Honesty can be a beautiful and sentimental cape we like to put on when we apply it, a heroic and moral act. It can also be a bitter pill when we have to be honest in order to face ourselves, when we discover a blind spot and have to come clean.
I wanted to explore this topic because I think most of us want to be honest human beings, and we oftentimes believe that we are always honest. But if there is one common theme in self discovery, it's that we often uncover places of self-betrayal, where we have hidden truths from ourselves and others. We become dishonest when we don't want to sacrifice an image, an identity, a fantasy about who we are, what we represent.
Stories, whether honest or not, create webs over time. In time, these webs, or structures, are hard to see beyond. You come to believe your own tales. Or your stories have a genesis well before you had conscious choice.
Honesty gets wrapped in good and bad, in judgment and morals. I think it would be easier for us to practice honesty if we take away the judgment, and pour in compassion along with healthy boundaries. Bad and good judgments lead to shame. Compassion and boundaries create lasting and positive change.
Compassion means that we create a space of understanding for dishonesty. There's always a reason for why you or someone else does not tell the truth. Judgments aside, just stay open to the reason. Then, create healthy boundaries for truth-telling. Firm, assertive boundaries can also be kind.
Living from a place of love and awareness means we must create room for paradoxes. To discover dishonesty and not judge. To have compassion with boundaries. Lies come from confusion, mistakes, and even manipulative intent. Honesty comes forth more easily within a space of compassion and clarity.